


I need the darkness, the sweetness

by ithoughtslashmeanthorror



Series: If you hear any noise, it ain't the boys [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games), Batman: Arkham - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bat signal, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Gen, Kid Barbara Gordon, Kid Fic, Lost Child, i cannot think of tags, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithoughtslashmeanthorror/pseuds/ithoughtslashmeanthorror
Summary: Barbara Gordon remembers the night her mother left vividly.But not because her mother left.She remembers it because Batman came.





	I need the darkness, the sweetness

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading my series 'see how deep the bullet lies' - this story takes place in the same universe but doesn't affect/or change anything in that universe. You don't need to know anything about it. I just wrote this because I felt like it and couldn't figure out how to set it in the world anywhere.

Barbara remembered the night her mother left, but it wasn’t because of her mother she remembered it.

She had been seven, and she had asked to stay up late and watch the news. Batman and Aquaman were on the edge of the city. Black Manta’s army was marching ashore, looking to infiltrate Wayne Tech for a high-powered freeze gun they were developing to fix sections of the polar caps.

The city was on lockdown, and Jim was due to be home later in the evening.

“Stay up if you want, sweetie,” Barbara Senior said. “Just keep it down. James is asleep, and I’m popping into the shower.”

Barbara sat on the couch and watched as the camera crews tried to get as many angles as they could of Batman and Aquaman as they fought an army back into the ocean.

In the background, she aware that her mother wasn’t putting on her nightclothes. Her brother’s bedroom door was shut, but Barbara Snr left hers open, though she didn’t even seem to notice. Every now and then, Barbara would look up and see her mother in different stages of getting ready.

She did her make up first.

Putting on her moisturiser, rubbing it over her cheeks and down her neck and across just the top of her prominent collar bones. Then her concealer came next, and the deep bruises beneath her eyes turned a tanned cream, and her freckles disappeared underneath the foundation. It wasn’t just a natural day look that she was used to seeing her mother wear to work either.

Her eyeliner was sharp and could cut glass, and her lips were painted blood red. She put on her silver drop earrings with the giant pearls on the end. The ones Barbara secretly tried on when she didn’t think anyone was paying attention.

Barbara Senior had caught her once though. She had smiled at Barbara and picked her up and put her on her lap in front of the marble dressing table. “One day, sweetie, I’ll give these to you, and every man in the room will watch go by, and you will know that you’re better them all. Because you got your Mamas looks.” She winked at their reflections, and little Barbara giggled and tucked her face into Barbara Senior’s neck. It had smelt like French pastries, lace, jasmine and roses.

By the time Batman and Aquaman had finished with Black Manta’s men, Barbara Senior stepped out of her room with her hair dried and styled and wearing a white silk Armani tuxedo jacket, and the matching pants. She dragged a red suitcase alongside her, and a red leather Birkin bag was in her arm. Her nails and heels were the same colour. At some point, she’d painted them, but Barbara couldn’t remember when.

“Okay, sweetie. Time for bed.” Barbara Senior leant over the couch and took the remote. She turned off the television and looked down at her daughter.

“Are you going somewhere, Mama?” Barbara asked.

Barbara Senior wore a tight smile. “It's time for sleep, Barbie.” She nodded towards the bedroom. “Bed. Now.”

Barbara got up on the couch and wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck, inhaling the perfume that smelt like French pastries, lace, jasmine and roses. It was such a specific smell that at any second she thought about it and almost taste the perfume. “Goodnight, Mama,” she said.

“Goodnight, sweetie.” Barbara Senior didn’t hug Barbara Junior any tighter that night. She didn’t say she loved her or anything poetic.

When Barbara went to bed, Barbara Senior sat on the couch and waited. Waited and waited and waited. Barbara Junior knew that because she waited too. For what, she wasn’t sure. She just hadn’t been able to sleep.

She realised her mother was waiting for Jim to come home at some point, but it seemed to be one of those nights that Jim wasn’t going to make it.

So Barbara Senior left.

When the door shut, Barbara got of bed and went into the living room, looking around for the luggage or her mother. But there was no trace of her or anything, except the lingering scent of perfume.

She frowned.

In her gut, she knew there was something wrong.

She was too young to even realise it at the time, but her whole world had changed in that empty apartment. She could feel it in her bones, but she didn’t know what it was. Barbara didn’t know mother’s just left forever, but she did know she was alone and it scared her. She wanted her mother, but something told her she wouldn’t be able to find her, so she thought about calling her father instead.

She picked up the home phone and dialled the GCPD first, but that just rang through. Barbara waited and tried again. On her third ring, she decided to call his cell phone number, but she got all the numbers wrong, and a tired older woman answered in a croaky voice. She couldn't remember his number after that.

But Barbara did know how to get to the GCPD.

She went into her room and got her pink jacket, pulling it over her Barbie Girl pyjamas. She tugged her matching pink gumboots on her feet but forgot to put on socks. She checked on her brother before she left. He was fast asleep when she collected the set of house keys from the front table that generally sat in Barbara Senior’s bag when she left the house.

Barbara caught the elevator downstairs and crept out into the midnight of Gotham.

The train station was a block away, and she knew she had to catch the F to get to Bleake Island.

There was a man on board and Barbara didn’t like him. He didn’t make her feel safe, and the whole time she just hoped that her Dad would step out off the platform and onto the train and she would run into his arms, and the cold feeling would be gone.

At Bleake Island, she got off the F, and the man on the train eyed her up and down, but stayed in his seat. When she got to the top of the stairs, she looked back at the train and saw the man had stood up and was standing at the window, watching her more intently. Barbara swallowed, pulled her jacket around her as tightly as she could and jogged the last few blocks to the GCPD.

She went inside, shaking off the rain that had spattered on her head. The front concierge was a giant golden desk in front of a single elevator shaft that led in and out of the precinct. In the day time, Eliza, a big happy woman with curly hair and thick lips that were always painted a different shade of wine guarded that desk. She would always pick Barbara up, swinging her onto her hip and tell her how big she’d gotten before slipping a lemon drop in her jacket pocket.

At night, a wiry old man was sitting there, with a moustache made of white toothbrush bristles. The same brushy hair stuck out of his nose and ears and read a yellow paperback, licking his cigarette fingers every-so-often to turn the page. Barbara’s pink gumboots squelched on the tiles, and she slipped a little before catching herself and kept on towards the desk. “Excuse me?” she said, voice soft and little. “Officer…” She squished her eyes together. She’d left her glasses at home, and she could see but it was dark in the concierge, and it made it even blurrier. “Burgess?”

“Huh?” The officer looked over her head at first, then put his book down and pressed both palms on the wood to lift himself up and look over the edge of the table. “Oh. Hello there, little one? Isn’t past your bedtime?” he joked.

“My Daddy works here,” Barbara said. “His name is James. James Gordon.”

The old man blinked through his glasses at her. “You’re Gordon’s little girl? Gee whiz, doesn’t that make me feel old. I remember when you were just a baby, little lady.”

Barbara’s lip twitched. “I’m not little. I’m average for my age group.”

Burgess smiled. “‘Course you are. Let’s get you upstairs. Did your Mom drop you off?”

Barbara hesitated, then bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah. She had to go.”

“Figures. It’s been that kind of a night.” He pressed a button, and a buzzer rang, unlocking the door on the right. “Head on up. He should be on level six.”

“Thank you,” Barbara said and shuffled along into the tin box.

She picked up some admin on level one and officers and their prisoners, some of the captured army from that night’s siege on level two. They smelt kind of like the marina and Barbara tried not to pinch her nose because she thought that might have been rude. She lost them all on level four and took the rest of the ride up in quiet.

Her father wasn’t at his desk.

Harvey Bullock, his partner, was.

He took one look at Barbara and raised his hands above his head, getting out from his desk. “I don’t want to know, kid. I promised your Dad I would stop helping and you and Junior the second after that incident with the bullies at your school.” The incident where Bullock had told Barbara to hit the bullies back harder and make them bleed. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Do you know where my Dad is?” she asked.

Bullock raised his eyebrow. “I don’t know? Work. I don’t know if you know this, kid, but we were almost invaded by ocean people. It’s been a long night, you know.” He noticed, for the first time, when Barbara was wearing. “You okay? How’d you get here? Where’s your mom?”

He was asking far too many questions, Barbara decided. So she shrugged her shoulders and climbed into her Dad’s chair. “I just need my Dad.”

Harvey took in her wet rain look and the gumboots on her feet without socks and nodded. “Yeah okay, kid. I’ll try and get him on the radio. He was doing a run to Blackgate last I checked.” He got out his phone and before he could put it to his ear, Barbara interrupted him.

“They were humans,” she said.

Bullock frowned. “What?”

Barbara licked her lips. “They weren’t ocean people… There’s no such thing. Aquaman is Atlantean but Black Manta’s army are all humans. They hate the Atlanteans.”

Harvey stared at her incredulously, then shook his head. “I’m way too old for this crap, Babs. Let me find your Dad.”

She watched Harvey call various people. On the phone and on the radio. None of them could get in contact with Jim. The best anyone could find out was that he as either in Blackgate doing paperwork, or at the Mayor’s office with the Commissioner doing a debrief for the Secretary of State. “Okay Babs, this is what we’re going to do. I’m going to go talk to our Captain and then you and I are going back to your house to talk to your Mom about when is and isn’t an appropriate time to drop you off at the precinct.”

Harvey disappeared and Barbara felt anxious. She squirmed in her seat and wanted to tell Bullock she’d just wait for her Dad, but he was already gone. So instead she waited for Harvey to go upstairs to the Captain’s office, and slipped off her father’s seat and crept away from his desk.

Barbara took the elevator up to the top floor, and from there took the stairs up to the roof. Jim had told her once, that if the worst to happen and she had nowhere else to go, that she could trust in Batman. That he would help her, no matter what.

The torch was bigger than Barbara.

It was the biggest light she had ever seen.

The Bat symbol was obvious across the front of the light, but the switch wasn’t.

She walked around the rooftop, trying to find the switch and eventually came across a lever, the same size as she was.

The rain started again as she leant down and took the head of the lever in both hands and grunted as she pushed the rusted thing up and over. It slammed on the ground on the other side and the light burst open, shooting the bat into the night sky. She screamed and fell on her butt, holding her hands over her eyes to keep the bright white light out.

Barbara wanted her Dad. She wanted her Mum. She wanted to be home, in her bed and wanted them to snuggle on either side of her in bed.

That had never happened before, but she could imagine how good it felt. She could imagine how warm and loved she would feel squashed between them. That was all she wanted. To feel that loved.

“Hello.”

Barbara hadn’t waited long.

It had been half an hour when she lifted her head and saw the dark looming figure of Batman in front of her.

Everyone said that Batman was scary.

Everyone called him the Dark Knight, and some people thought he was a demon.

But the man who was kneeling in front of Barbara, his head tipped to one side was not frightening in the least. He had a cut on his lip, and a part of his uniform was ripped. The cape had a large tear, but it still absorbed the night like a black hole. He was so close, she could see behind the white film of his mask and make out eyes that were either blue or green. “Hello,” she replied. Barbara mimicked his head tilt. “You’re bigger than you look on TV.”

“Thank you.” His voice was rough like cement on knees. She wondered if it hurt his throat. Batman looked around, eyes focusing on the light and then back on Barbara. He glanced up at the sky. “Do you want to get out of the rain?” he asked her.

He didn’t talk to her like she was a little kid like Officer Burgess did, or like she was a problem, like Harvey. He looked at her like she was just like him. “I don’t mind the rain,” she said. She pulled her hood over her head. “It just gets in my eyes sometimes.”

“That’s why I’ve got the mask,” he said. He got in even closer so she could see. “Waterproof paint. The rain just slides right off.”

It did. She could see, that though around his mask was wet, the white film was perfectly dry.

She reached out and touched the eye of the mask. It was softer than she thought it would be. “It’s like jelly.” She pulled her hand back and cradled it with the other.

“It’s thermoplastic polyurethane,” he said. Barbara just stared at him blankly. “Like jelly glass. It doesn’t shatter. I learnt that one the hard way.” Batman put one hand on the ground and shifted around, so he was sat next to Barbara. He stifled a groan like he was hurt, and huffed, stretching out his side. “Did your Dad tell you about the bat signal?” Batman asked.

Barbara nodded. “He said you could help me if I was in trouble.”

“Are you in trouble?” he asked, voice more serious.

Barbara hesitated. She pulled herself into a ball and shook her head.

“Where’s your mom?”

Again, Barbara shook her head.

Batman observed her. “Do you like cocoa?”

Barbara lifted her head up, wet hair stuck to her face. She hadn’t expected that question, and she thought it through as if he’d asked for her opinion on something much more serious than that. “Yes.”

He stood up and walked a little way, away from her and pressed his hand to his ear. Barbara couldn’t hear what he was saying through the rain, but she knew he was talking to someone in a hushed tone. She leant forward to hear more and only got the end of a conversation. “I know. I’ll be home soon, and this time I’ll stay in bed. I just need you to do me this one favour… Thank you.”

He pulled his hand away from his ear and knelt in back in front of Barbara. “Let’s go.” He held his arms open and she didn’t even hesitate to stand up and jump into them. They were as strong as she had imagined, and she pressed her cheek against his shoulder the way she imagined she would with her mother and her father. Somehow, the strong, broad chest plate was as comforting as her parents were, even in the rain. She pressed her cheek on the cold Kevlar of his suit and felt very overwhelmed, tears coming into her eyes.

She began to sniffle, and her body shook but Batman tightened his hold on her and cupped his hand over the back of her head. “Hey,” he whispered in her ear. “There’s no need to cry. You’re safe with me. Just hold on tight, Barbara Gordon.”

He turned off the bat signal with one hand and ran off the rooftop, jumping into the night sky.

Barbara didn’t shriek as her stomach leapt into her throat, but she did hold Batman tighter as he shot his grapple and swung to the next rooftop, and then the next one, and then the one after that. They flew across Gotham Bridge, into South Gotham where her apartment was but she hadn’t realised it until they landed on the roof and he led her inside. She blinked and recognised the black and white chequered tiles. “I live here,” she said.

He put her down on the ground and took her little hand in one of his big gloved ones. “I know.”

They walked together into the elevator and rode down to her apartment floor. “I have keys,” she said, taking them out of her pocket.

He held his hand out, and she let him take them from her, and he unlocked the door and held it open for her to go inside. She did, still holding his hand and dragged him inside with her just in case he was going to leave.

Once the door was shut, Batman helped her out of her jacket and boots and hung them on the coatrack. Without even thinking, Barbara turned to the Dark Knight and raised her hands up, and he just leant down and put her back on his hip.

The apartment opened into an open kitchen and living room. Barbara looked around to where her mother had put her luggage before and then into her parents’ room, only to see neither her mother nor her luggage had returned.

But somehow, magically, on the kitchen table were two extra-large steaming mugs of hot cocoa, with oversized marshmallows stuffed inside. She didn’t ask how or when but accepted it was a part of Batman’s awesomeness that he could just make hot cocoa appear in her apartment.

Batman walked her around and put down her on the barstool, then handed her the mug. “Drink up. That’s all for you,” Batman said.

It was so big, she needed both hands to hold it. He took his own mug and sipped it, getting milk on the top of his lip and she giggled then drank some of her own, getting more milk on the tip of her nose. Batman smiled at her and they drank their cocoa together. “Are you feeling better?” he asked when she began to slow her sips.

Her eyes felt heavy, and Barbara shrugged. “I didn’t feel bad,” she said. “I just want my Dad.”

Batman nodded. “He’s with the mayor because of something I did. He might be late.”

Barbara’s lip twitched. She swung her legs. “You fought Black Manta.”

“Yes,” he said.

“He’s Aquaman’s enemy.”

“He is. But he came to Gotham. So I worked with Aquaman to fight him.”

“Do you like Aquaman?”

Batman shrugged. “I just met him tonight.”

“Daddy doesn’t. But he doesn’t like it when the other bad guys come to town. He says we already have enough crazies.”

“I agree with your Dad. But if someone threatens Gotham, I’ll be there to help.”

Barbara took a big sip of her hot cocoa. “What if they threaten Metropolis?”

Batman shrugged. “They have Superman.”

Barbara’s nose scrunched up. “But you don’t like Superman.”

“He’s okay. You know those kids at school who are hall monitors, but are really stuck up about it?”

“Yes.”

“He’s kind of like that… sometimes.”

“What if they didn’t?”

“Didn’t?”

“Have Superman? Would you save Metropolis?”

Batman considered it. “I’d try. I’d want to. But I can’t be everywhere at once.”

“You’re Batman. You’d figure it out,” she said. Batman smiled crookedly at her, but she was studying him. He didn’t look very old. He looked more like one of her Dad’s rookie’s than someone like Harvey or Jim. “How old are you?” she asked.

He hesitated, then after a minute replied, “I just turned twenty-five. Two weeks ago.”

“Happy Birthday,” she said.

“Thank you.”

“Do you have a baby?” she asked.

Batman shook his head. “No.”

Barbara tipped her head down and stared into the cocoa that was almost empty. She didn’t really think he could understand if he didn’t have a baby. But she tried to explain it to him. “I think my mom gets angry that my dad is always at work. He was supposed to come home tonight, but he just didn’t.”

There was a long pause. “Do you know where your Mom is?”

Barbara shook her head, concentrating on the cup, afraid if she didn’t she would cry. “She packed her big red bag and waited for Daddy, but he didn’t come home. She didn’t say goodbye.”

She looked up at Batman and he stared back down at her, his lips downturned. He glanced around at the apartment, searching for something. Maybe searching for Barbara’s mother, but when he found nothing, his eyes settled on her again.

“Did you walk to the GCPD by yourself?”

Barbara scratched her nose and almost dropped her cocoa, but Batman darted his hand out and caught it, steadying the cup until she could hold it again. “It’s not that far.”

He hummed. He pulled out a batarang, seemingly from midair. Barbara gaped as he held it out to her and she put the cocoa down and took it from him. “Whoa,” she said, flipping it over in her hands.

“Careful with the edges.”

Barbara was, but did rub her thumb over the flat of the steel. “There’s a button on it,” he said, pointing to the centre of the Bat. Barbara moved her finger to the middle and poked it and a little red flashing light popped up. At the same time, a red light popped up on Batman’s right wrist and he pressed it. A hologram popped up from his wrist and it showed a map of Gotham, and the red light transferred to the screen and Barbara knew that was her. “If you need me again, just press that button. You don’t have to sneak out.”

“I didn’t sneak,” she said.

Batman smirked. “You still don’t have to go out by yourself. Especially when it’s this late. Press that button and I’ll come. If I really can’t, I’ll send one of my friends. But you have to promise that you won’t tell your father, and that you’ll only use it when it’s an emergency.”

Barbara nodded, turning the batarang over in her hands. “I promise,” she said.

Batman smiled and put his own cocoa down. “I just got a report that said your father is finishing up at the mayor’s office. I can go make sure he comes right here.”

But Barbara didn’t really want her father at that moment to come home and ruin it all. Because she knew when he did get home, it wasn’t going to be as peaceful as it was with a giant man dressed in a bat suit in her kitchen. “Can you stay?” she asked softly. “I don’t want to be alone.”

It took him a minute to decide but Batman nodded and picked her up again. He put both cups in the sink and she leant back against his chest he walked her to her room. The magic of Batman was that he already knew exactly where it was and when he put her in bed, under the covers, he sat back against the headboard, a giant in a child’s bed and kicked one foot up. “Go to sleep. When you wake up, your Dad will be here. I promise.”

“Will it be okay?” she asked, snuggling up to his side.

Batman shook his head. “I don’t know, Barbara Gordon. That’s up to you. You can either let it not be okay, or you can do whatever it takes to make it okay. Or make it okay enough that you’re comfortable in it.”

She pressed her face into his stomach and he wrapped his cape around her back, and that warm feeling she had wanted earlier from both of her parents snuggling her, Barbara Gordon received by being blanketed in Batman’s cape.

That was what she remembered the night her mother left.

The fact that Batman had come and made her feel safe.

**Author's Note:**

> I always liked how Batman was with little kids. Gave me the warm and fuzzies...
> 
> Also, sell t-shirts... https://www.teepublic.com/user/ithoughtslashmeanthorror
> 
> :)


End file.
